Not having a good day!!!

Today is just not a good day for me, I woke up ok, just sleep deprived because I haven't been able to fall asleep until like 1am for the past couple days, but overall I was ok, then stupid me decides to call the radio station because they are "channeling" loved ones today! I might have talked to you guys before about this but let me just recap: My mother past away 2 years ago, we were not speaking when she died, she was never really a mother to me. I was brought up by my grandparents, so that was our realtionship my whole life, I spent the better part my 33 years talking and then not talking to my mother. Anywho I call this radio station today and the lady tells me that my mother is ok, and that she knows she wasnt a very good mother to me my whole life, blah blah blah, I instantly start balling my eyes out! I know I have unfinished business with her that now will never be finished, and for the most part I try not to think about it, but the lady on the radio this morning got some feelings going that I have tried to supress since my moms funeral......UGH I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS!!! I am in my mid 30's and still crying about the mommy I never had!!!! WHY!!! The truth of the matter is that for years I just chopped it up to her being immature, and in all respects, even though she gave birth to me, the people that "raised" me were my parents, but for some reason it still hurts!! I still have issues with her, I still wonder why I wasn't good enough for her to want to BE my mother and take care of me! Its still amazing to me how she could carry me for 9 months, give birth, and toss me aside, and NOT see me until I was 12!!!! WTF!!! UGH I am rambling on!! Hopefully tomorrow well be a better day!!!